Live-Blogging The 2008 Video Music Awards: No Britney, No Peace [Putting The Pseudo In Pseudo-event]
Oh HI! It’s dickdogfood. I welcome you to Idolator’s liveblog of the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards. Now before I became a quasi-anonymous commentator legend, I was known as Michael Daddino. (I still am, in certain obscure circles.) Once, during that long-gone era, I watched 24 hours of MTV and wrote about it on the internet in real-time; thus the concept of the liveblog was forged in the smithy of my soul. And today I return to my old stomping grounds, all Proverbs 26:11-style, to point and laugh at…well, what’s it going to be today, kiddies? What’s it gonna be? Contrite Britney? Egotasmic Kanye? The JoBros making their inevitable Fleet Foxes move? Nickleodeon crossovers? Candidate cameos? Overrehearsed spontaneity? Underwhelming medleys? Regrettable covers? A smidge of actual entertainment? Yes, we are likely topamax online to get them all: the stars will it so. The handwringing and the laughter begin after the jump.
7:50 p.m. Hey NeverEnough, I actually saw the 1st VMAs back in 1984 (I voted for ALL FIVE people’s choice award nominees), and that alone earns me a free pass on the Logan’s Run merry-go-round of death.
7:55 p.m. Thankfully we’re going to have an appearance by Michael Phelps tonight—somebody with a freakish body-part below the neck for a change of pace.
8:02 p.m. How out-of-the-loop am I? On the screen is Lauren Conrad. Initially I thought she was Tila Tequila.
8:05 p.m. I think Taylor Swift just said this was her first CMAs ever.
8:07 p.m. I’m not sure what the helicopter adds to anything other than MTV’s bills. Certainly they don’t make the interviews seem more lively.
8:09 p.m. Bill Kaulitz’ hair puts John Norris’ into horrifying relief. Beware, Bill—this could happen to you!
8:12 p.m. I hope Tokio Hotel win something, though. Cute German accents!
8:15 p.m. T-Pain’s elephantine and krump-soaked red carpet entrance is the one to beat for tonight. Surely right now Kanye just nervously ordered sperm whales for his.
Tom brady injury report
8:18 p.m. Ha, I bet Sway’s helicopter isn’t even off the ground.
8:21 p.m. Oh, finally I get to see Microft’s shoe commercial.
8:24 p.m. The live-via-helicopter Panic at the Disco interview cannot hide the fact that industry events probably bore musicians senseless, even with road games.
8:28 p.m. Taylor, Katy, and Miley: just kiss each other already, gawd.
8:28 Huh, I vaugely imagined Kid Rock was some kind of rap-hater. This promised duet-thing with Lil Wayne smacks of the rather played-out OMG TOTALLY UNEXPECTED demographic mash-up games MTV has been foisting on the VMAs since at least Busta Rhymes and Martha Stewart presented an award together way way way back when.
8:33 This British presenter—not sure who he is—along with Russell Brand may herald a new attempt by MTV to position all things from achat levitra the other side of the puddle as “cool.”
8:36 p.m. Some kind of…dance-off…thing. It only makes me sad that they soundtrack one dance with Ne-Yo, because Ne-Yo’s not here and I’d totally rather see him tonight than about 80% of the acts that’ll appear.
8:38 p.m. I don’t actually believe Sway’s helicopter is in the air and I don’t actually believe the car they’re filming has the Jonas Brothers and I don’t actually believe that’s the Jonas Brothers speaking and not some self-aware Autotune plug-in.
8:42 p.m. A new Pepsi commercial soundtracked by “What Is Love?” Sure, he was a one-hit wonder—but by now, Haddaway’s royalties probably make him richer than Chris Kattan.
8:44 p.m. Christina Aguilera is supposedly singing “Genie in the Bottle” with some kind of surprise arrangement tonight. If she does this with the Strokes—or the Strokes manqué—it will be admirable but seven years too late, and seven years is like a whole generation in rock.
8:46 p.m. Slipknot, wearing their dads’ ties unironically.
8:47 p.m. Perhaps like you, I spent the afternoon wondering what Britney’s gonna say tonight. I was hoping she’d be onstage in a big comfy chair, and give a little confessional and low-key speech with a few jokes and apologies thrown in. Eventually I realized I was that close to writing fan-fic. But then again, so many op-ed columnists do essentially the same thing when they write here’s-what-Obama/McCain-SHOULD-say-in-tonight’s-speech columns.
8:50 p.m. I’d also rather see Ashlee perform tonight than 80% of the other folks, too
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