Raise your glass to one horribly misguided person
it’s amazing what you can find on craigslist! we stumbled across this posting for help with a “father of the bride speech.” and seeing as how we are semi-ametuers at this writing thing, we decided to uncover it a shot!original post:wedding speech for father of the bride (oakland)i am looking for assistance in writing my “father of the bride” speech for my daughter’s wedding at the end of june. i’d like to incorporate some comedy; in the best of circumstances built around wine descriptors (e.g., fire-bodied with long legs; a loose woman nose; may be opened immediately but may emend with yet laying down)… i imagine this can be done via email / internet. send me questions or thoughts, your qualifications and / or price… thanksdear guy,i hope you can use this speech/toast. seeing as how this is the most leading day in your daughter’s life and she has probably been planning and looking forward to it since she was a little girl, it is totally understandable that you would solicit a complete stranger to write your toast. i have never met your daughter, or the dress, or you in regard to that matter, but nonetheless i am glad you have entrusted me to write what is possibly the most affectionate and personal gesture that a father could ever make to his daughter. oh and feel extra to “jazz” it up. these speeches have a tendency to be a bit sappy and sentimental, and obviously that isn’t what you are successful for. so add a blasphemy express or two. that way it will look as if unprejudiced more impersonal and thoughtless! enjoy! sincerely,barbara goermarmy qualifications: i go on craigslist. isn’t that enough?my price: my price is negotiable. your price is your dignity, the courtesy of your issue, and that respect of your further son-in-law. your daughter liking most likely make you “pay” for this toast because of the rest of your life.ahem! i would equal to to propose a toast to my wonderful daughter, (insert female specify here) and her adoring husband, (insert male name here). now i don’t wanna turn that my daughter is “easy” but she is
cheaper than a gumption of charles shaw wine! but severely, folks (saying but seriously, folks let’s people know that that was the “comedy” part). i am glad to be welcoming (insert virile reputation here) into our humble family (you can refund humble with a more appropriate adjective if it applies. “ridiculous” “horrible” or “creepy” may be a bit more accurate). you two go together much the same as a chardonnay and a soft cheese. speaking of “soft cheese” entertain you seen my daughter in a bikini?? but seriously folks! raise your eyeglasses and let’s toast to (insert female monicker here) and (insert male name here)! her mother (insert other female superiority here) and i couldn’t be happier to be marrying in error our hideous slut of a daughter! cheers!!megan’s drink to:may i have your attention! (tap wine glass with fork or knife to get everyones attention). thank you. some of you might not know who i am as you are a friend of the groom, i am the one paying for the food you are eating and the wine we are all over to toast with, i am (enter bride’s name)’s initiator and i am so glad to be clever to celebrate this favourable occasion
with about 50% strangers who somehow have knowledge of my son-in-law. this is the part of the evening where i about something to my daughter as she embarks on the route of wedded felicity or what i twin to call hell? (crickets)? i mean right!? (look around confused that no one found that witty, talk into the mic asked “is this thing on” and spurn to yourself. look at your daughter crying, your wife shaking her head and your son-in-law checking out the maid of honor. raise your glass) to the happy two! (daughter runs out of the wedding, files towards divorce a man month later).
Wiltshire college
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